Horror movies are not a hobby. You cannot “like” horror movies, you either love them or you hate them (Unless you fall into the “Oh there’s nothing at the movie, let’s go watch *random scary movie name* just because it’s Tuesday and the ticket is cheaper” category. There’s a spot in Dante’s Inferno reserved for those people. As for the 14 year old girls who are like, “Oh, I kinda like horror movies. Let’s pick a scary movie for our pjs party!” they are gonna have nightmares for the rest of their childhood after watching Twilight).
For a true fan, horror movies never get old. You never get sick of fake blood spilling from fake guts; you’re never stop wondering if the creepy little actress used as the main character of a devil possession movie got traumatized after having filmed exorcism scenes; and you actually kinda enjoy the sense of pure terror that you feel after you leave the movie theatre and walk home all alone along a dark street. And let’s not even talk about that awful moment when you find out that the hella terrifying movie you just watched is based on a true story. It’s the best!
Now, I know that not all horror movies are golden. I mean, I really don’t understand how people get scared by all the Paranormal Activities movies. Seriously, who freaks out at that garbage? Who is like, “ OH MY GOD IT’S A KITCHEN! That’s so frightening!”? But, come on man, everyone knows that you should never trust movies that are supposed to be shot by security cameras, personal video camera, etc (Except for The Blair Witch Project. That’s such a savage movie. (I’m talking about the first one. The new movie is trash)). But what about the cult movies? What about the legendary films that even Edgar Allan Poe himself would be scared of? Those movies that you know are pure gold even if you’ve never seen them. It’s just socially accepted that these movies are gonna traumatize you for the rest of your life.
The Shining (1980) by Stanley Kubrick, inspired by one of Stephen King’s greatest books, is considered to be in this category. I mean, it definitely has the right to be on the top ten of the most iconic horror movies ever just because of its fame (Stanley Kubrick and Stephen King. STANLEY KUBRICK AND STEPHEN KING!), so much that people are like, “I don’t even need to watch it. I know it would be spectacular.”
I was waiting until I’d grown up and got mature enough to appreciate such a masterpiece like that. I built a personal opinion about horror movies (Seriously, there’s a folder in my brain dedicated to horror movies criticism, just to get ready for that). The Shining was to be my Bat mitzvah of horror movies. The movie that marked me as a member of the club of sophisticated cult scary movie fans. And then I saw it. OH MY GOD.
I think that I haven’t been that disappointed since I found out that Tweety Bird is a boy. The Shining is the most boring, unemotional, cold, slow and stupid movie I’ve ever seen! How can people appreciate it? Just because it’s an old movie it’s supposed to be gold and sophisticated? This is so wrong.
Seriously, two and a half hours of my life that will never come back. There’s nothing positive in the whole film. Nothing! You literally spend the whole time saying to yourself, “It’s okay. Don’t worry. It’ll get better. You just have to wait.” No. It’s a lie. I mean, at the end of the movie, when Jack Torrance is dying from hypothermia, you definitely would like to be in his place.
Stephen King himself said that the movie is garbage. Thank you Stephen, next time I’ll follow your advice.
After The Shining I’m officially done with following what the critics say about movies. If a movie is weird, too long, hard to comprehend, and is lacking an actual plot, it’s not “art”. It’s trash. I refuse to believe that Kubrick is a genius and that people like me don’t understand his sublime work. After almost three hours of physical pain watching…watching STUFF on a screen, I want someone to come to me and explain the art, the genius and the sublime nature of this movie.
The Shining is not scary, it is not spooky, it is not creepy, it is not disturbing. The only reason it’s called a horror movie is because of the sense of terror that comes with the realization that you have just wasted money, time and bad blood to watch the biggest lie of the world.