Getting over your Ex

Breakups are painful; everybody knows that. In order to move on, there is one important truth you need to recognize: some things can’t and shouldn’t be fixed. It ended for a reason, and although you’re upset right now, deep down you probably know what that reason is. It’s called a breakup because it’s broken. You don’t hang on to a broken iPhone, totaled car, or rotting food, so why should you hang on to a broken relationship?

The longer you stay in this nowhere relationship, the less time you have to experience somewhere one. Take a breath, realize that this is going to hurt for a while. But no matter what happened between you two, or three, no matter how happy and sweet you were together or how terrible and happy, you are still an awesome person. It’s not an end, but a beginning.

I know my personal history doesn’t offer a lot of ethos, but I can say that I think I have learned a few things from my mistakes.

The best news is that you’re broken up. It’s over! You’re free from a relationship that wasn’t working. No more worrying about when it’s going to happen or how bad it’s going to hurt. The worst news is that it sucks. You have to adjust and go through some heartache.

“Forgive yourself for the part you played in the break-up. Forgive your ex too, for the part they played,” says Shaleem, Wilson’s school nurse.

Stop holding onto that hope that hope that he/she wants you back. You can’t hear what someone doesn’t say. If they really do want you back, you’ll hear it. But until then, you need to cut off contact. This is pretty difficult in high school but essential to moving on. What you need is some distance from the person who is causing your pain, as impossible as that may seem. Unfollow your ex on social media, ask your friends not to tell you anything, and if necessary, switch classes. You can’t forget someone with constant reminders of them. This means no talking!!!

Nothing is worse than your phone when going through a breakup. It mocks you when it’s silent, beckons you when you’re unstable and is only too glad to display an empty notification center. If it does ring, it’s a friend, family member or random number, and although it’s nice to hear about grandma’s walk to the grocery store, it’s not who you were hoping for. The most important rule to remember is no calling. No excuses. If they want to talk to you, they will. Think of some things you could do besides calling them, and if worse comes to worst and you have to pick up the phone, call a friend instead. Actions speak louder than words, and all calling says is that you still need their approval and feel lost without them, which is not attractive to anyone.

When you are hurting, it’s human nature to try to numb the pain. While this is a good coping strategy, it’s not very effective. Going into a downward spiral doesn’t hurt him/her, it only hurts you, and why would you want to do that? Eating ice cream all day, being unproductive, going on excessive shopping sprees and clutching onto new insignificant relationships will only make you fatter, more stressed, broker, and more insecure, only adding to your pain. “Grief can sometimes mask itself in anger, so if you feel angry, understand that it is a normal part of grieving,” says Shaleem. “Find constructive ways to release the anger, like going on a run or doing exercise.”

It is important to talk to your friends. They saw your relationship from an outside view and are probably more logical than you are right now. “Keeping all your feelings to yourself can lead to bottled up emotions that can leak out when you least want them to. Find someone that you can trust to share your feelings with,” Shaleem suggests. At some point, however, you should stop bothering your friends and keep it to yourself. You don’t want to drive your friends away complaining and wallowing in your own sorrow. Take their advice, or seek professional help. You don’t want to be friendless and without a boo.

Now is a great time to work on yourself, and focus on future relationships. “Future thinking. Start focusing on the kind of relationship you want to attract into your life. Make a list. Make a list of all the qualities you want in a partner. There are many cases of people achieving success after writing down specifically what they want to manifest,” Shaleem advises. Do those things you always wanted to do but never could with your ex around. Do you, and good luck, you will get over this and you rock. Just like most things in life, the amount of effort you put in is proportional to how much you will accomplish.

Your ex wasn’t that great anyway.

Best wishes,

Sarah Pendergraph